Ten of My Favorite Myspace Survey Responses
Most people know by now that I get pretty annoyed by just about everything, especially when it comes to the internet. Email forwards, viral videos, Spam – most of the time these items are nothing more than poor attempts at humor by unfunny, uncreative people who apparently believe that my time has no value.
The worst offender of all of these are the omnipresent Myspace surveys. While they are admittedly easy to ignore and therefore not an immediate intrusion, the heightened level of mind boggling stupidity of these irritatingly juvenile questionnaires more than makes up for it. The biggest problem I have with this is the simply perplexing mindset of the people who fill them out religiously. Seriously, do you really think anyone cares about how many cats you have or whether you brush your teeth with your right or left hand?
Occasionally though, they do provide a unique opportunity to act obnoxiously – which is always a good thing. Here are some of my favorite responses to some pretty routine questions.
- Where do you live?Michigan, which will soon be challenging the State of Utah for the esteemed title, “Anus of America”.
- Describe your Cologne/Perfume.I sent Angie to the store the other day to get me some hair gel, since I’ve decided to grow out my hair again. Thinking she would surely be more likely to buy the correct product given her expertise in the field of beauty stuff turned out to be a preemptive assumption. She came back from Walgreen’s with a 16 oz bottle of gel that had one of those labels with the price printed right on it. The price read in big bright red bold letters : $1.99.
Also printed on the label was the phrase ‘MEGA MEGA Hold‘.
What the fuck? My hair is exactly 5/8″ long on top. Why the hell do I need MEGA MEGA Hold? I would think a few drops of Elmer’s glue mixed with some paint thinner would have done the trick, but whatever. I applied some of this hair cement six days ago and it hasn’t moved since.
And above all of this, the shit has the foul combination of smells reminiscent of the stale, alcohol based perfume used by prostitutes to mask the overpowering stench of menthol cigarette smoke. So in case you’re wondering what this all has to do with cologne, after I get ready in the morning, my head smells like a John leaving a brothel. - Last thing you ate?Chili. Mudbutt to commence shortly.
- Something you are afraid of?Jesus-crazed polar bears deciding to migrate south
- Do you like tattoos?Yes, on dudes they’re usually pretty cool. On chicks they can be pretty trashy – especially tats on tits. I don’t think there’s a more WT act a girl can do to herself… other than marrying Kid Rock.
- Are you shy around a crush?No, I usually dance like a buffoon and make a complete fool of myself, therefore guaranteeing I get no ass.
- A secret about you?I want to have a three-way with Carrie Underwood and the chick from ‘Chuck’ (not the trolly Asian girl, the hot one)… shocking eh?
Source: askmen.com
- Honestly, what color are the underwear you’re wearing right now and what kind/cut are they?Plaid boxer that are missing the button in the front and my junk is trying to get out.
- Honestly, do you like someone?What the fuck kind of question is this? God damn I swear these Myspace quizzes were all written by FSSA (Future Sorority Sluts of America) applicants.
- Honestly, what would you do if you walked in on your GF/BF with another?It would depend on what they were doing. If they were sitting around playing Playstation 2 together, I probably wouldn’t think too much of it. Somehow I don’t think that’s what this question is alluding to though.
