Some More of My Favorite Forms of Self Amusement
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- Some More of My Favorite Forms of Self Amusement
In continuation of my last post, here are some more of my favorite forms of self amusement. These are things that you too can try at home.
1) Another thing I like to do is when I eat at the local Asian restaurant, I always refer to the Jasmine Tea as “sake”. I always praise the waiter or waitress when they come back to the table: “Is good Sake,” or “More Sake please”. The first couple of times, it is greeted with a polite smile and a “Is not Sake is Jasmine Tea”, response. By the end of the meal though, the waiter’s demeanor is always that of irritated amusement. He starts to grin even before we make eye contact as he knows what’s coming. I always smile sheepishly and give him one more “Thanks for the Sake”, for good measure. Now picture our poor Chinese server, his jaws clenched together in a wide, tooth bearing smile, practically shouting through is teeth, “IS NOT SAKE!!!!” I lose it every time.
It’s a good thing I am an excellent tipper. It’s also a bona fide miracle that Angie hasn’t left me over her sheer embarrassment from my antics.
2) I don’t do this one too often, but I like to sometimes end my emails with a ridiculous phrase like “I also like mushrooms”, or “Fear the turtles”, if for nothing else than just to get a WTF out of whomever I am emailing. This often goes without a response, which is disappointing.
3) You know how when someone is reading a series of letters over the phone they’ll often read the individual letters as words that begin with the letter they’re representing (this is commonly known as the NATO_phonetic_alphabet)? Another fun thing to do to get a chuckle out of people is, instead of the normal ‘apple, boy, charlie’ routine that everyone is used to, substitute odd words instead. I often have to read VIN numbers to parts suppliers over the phone, so I get a lot of practice at this.
My favorite is when I have to call the Volkswagen dealership, for two reasons.
For one, most foreign car parts specifiers are arrogant, pretentious dickheads. Apparently, it’s a condition of employment. I am not sure why this is, but it seems to be a universal truth in the auto repair business. So naturally, I enjoy pushing their buttons, as it makes me feel good about myself to know that I have ruined a Prude’s day.
The other reason I like calling them is the fact that most Volkswagen VIN numbers start with the letters “VW”, which is a fantastic opportunity to interject my own “V” and “W” words instead of the safe, non-offensive words they’re used to hearing. The obvious choice is the phrase “Venereal Warts”, but they’ve heard that one a million times so I prefer some more creative ones like “Victorious Wiener”, or “Vagina Whipcream”.
Sometimes to challenge myself, I will try to make complete sentences out of the letters in question, or if nothing else I try to string an adjective and a noun in succession. So instead of “Frank, Bravo”, I will say something like, “Freaky Beaver”. It’s quite difficult to execute this impromptu. There’s a woman who works as a parts specifier in the local Jeep dealership who finds this particularly amusing, which is cool, but the last thing I need is an enabler for my obnoxious behavior.
Do you have any unusual activities that are always good for a grin? Drop a comment below, I’d love to hear them!!
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