Classic Post: Craigslist Ad – Seeking a Crazy Chick
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Originally Posted 1-21-08 in Men Seeking Women
Hi. I am a guy in my 20’s looking for a girl who is certifiably bat-shit crazy. I know you’re out there!!!
I am just sick and tired of meeting all of these normal, regular girls with their own jobs and places to live and their own money and their own cars. There are just simply way too many levelheaded, smart, articulate women out there today and I am bored with their stability. I want a stalker dammit!!!
If any or all of the following describes yourself, you may just be the one for me:
Do you like to color your hair in at least three different shades of lavender at all times and subsequently change your lengths and colors randomly on at least a bi-weekly basis?
Do you own at least three cats and have them named for Wiccan Deities?
Do you have daddy issues?
Source: miamibeach411.com
Are you at least 4’9” but not taller than 5’5”? This is important because I’ve never met a crazy tall chick and I seriously doubt their existence.
Do you demand that your sexual rituals involve candle wax and gargoyles and can only take place between 3:00 am and 5:00 am during a new moon on the eve of the solstice?
Do you feel as though it’s your right to have access to all of my e-mail and voicemail passwords as well as my ATM PIN #’s?
Do you keep spreadsheets and other forms of meticulous detail on the whereabouts of all of your former lovers, no matter how random or casual the tryst?
Do you count your days until ovulation because you are going to birth the next messiah?
Do you want to move in together? It’s ok that you don’t have a car, or a job, or any education or stable work history. I love you and I want to be with you all the time. It’s ok that I don’t make enough money to support us both but maybe I can get 2nd job at night or on weekends. It will be worth sacrificing my free time and sleep to know that you are happy spending my money and fucking around on me.
Do you like cocaine? Perfect.
Do you hate getting up before noon? Awesome.
Do you like to spend hours on end on Myspace and Facebook? Do you have 3159 friends who are all dudes? I am perfectly ok with this because I trust you.
Were you abused by a former boyfriend and/or family member? That’s ok, I will be your knight in shining armor.
Do you see anti-depressants as ‘recreational drugs’? I think I am in love.
It’s time for you to write me and tell me how you can be the perfect woman for me. Don’t tell me about your job or your master’s degree or that you work with under-privileged children. I don’t want to know you if your normal.
I just hope to get one response. That would restore my hope and faith in humanity if just one basket-case would take the time to write me.
Could it be you?
Reader Comments
LOL, great post! And I am 5′9 and I assure you- I am nuts!
I just have to post about this, but this reminded me of the latest news with Craigslist CEO asking for an apology from the AG of South Carolina. Always something new with CL and events in the news.
hahaha! That sounds like a girl or 2 I have dated.
Thanks guys. I think I’ll repost it in some different markets on CL and see what kind of responses I get.
This is absolutely hilarious! I’ve gotta tell you, I like your theory on the height requirement… but I know at least two girls that are certifiably insane (and fulfill some of your criteria…) who are about 5′10″! “Crazy” comes in all shapes and sizes!
Thanks I am glad that you like it.