Craigslist Ad: Missed Connections – Fat Black Woman at Meijer
Hello Sheniqua,
I don’t actually know if that is your real name or not but I would like to call you Sheniqua anyway. I saw you when we were both in the electronics department last Thursday at Meijer around 11:30 am.
You were there with your three kids (I presume they were yours). You were wearing an ADIDAS jumpsuit with matching pants that were lime green/radioactive pink colored. You might remember me – I was the guy with the messy hair and white t-shirt and tan corduroy pants who looked like he was hungover with no job (I was) who innocently asked you if you got your outfit at Man-Alive in the Woodland Mall. After that you looked sort of confused so I then asked you if maybe you had them custom made since workout attire is usually not available in that size since the people who need clothes that big obviously don’t exercise. You scowled and said something in Hebrew that I didn’t understand but by the tone of your voice I just assumed that you what you said was a compliment so I decided that I should try to get on your good side by bonding with your (again presuming the kid is yours) oldest son, who happened to be browsing the Chris Rock DVD collection.
In an attempt to engage the young lad with a little stimulating conversation, I casually hypothesized that perhaps Larry the Cable Guy is the greatest stand up comedian of all time. This was met with more unintelligible Hebrew followed by him shouting in your direction something about this crazy ass white-boy who was talking to him. I took it at that point that perhaps our little chat hadn’t gone as planned.
I wanted to say though that I thought that you demonstrated excellent parenting skills by discouraging your young, impressionable son from taking interest in the comedy of Chris Rock and instead pointed him to more family friendly material by Richard Prior. It was at that point that I knew you were a good mother even though your other two kids had wandered into the sporting goods section and were trying to pick the lock on the cabinet where they store the paintball guns. I assumed that they learned the lost art of lock-picking from their father and I realized that parents today do not teach their children the necessary skills to survive in society today. So for that I applaud you.
I apologize if this comes across as quite forward, but I went so far to assume that since you had no wedding ring on, you perhaps aren’t married to the father of the kids. That is the reason that I decided to put myself out there and hope to God that you somehow miraculously are able to afford internet and that you will find this posting and decide to contact me as I can see the five of us very happy together.
Reader Comments
WP. OH YEA I SEE THIS ALL THE TIME. WP.
I think I went to highschool “wif dat chic”