A Completely Unsupported, Uncalled-for and Unearned Observation
Posted Under: Commentary
Hello boys and girls, today I plan to talk to you about a subject that will hold no bearing on your lives: Ranting. I don’t mean ranting like angry speech. That will help you daily, make sure you learn that. I mean ranting as a genre of writing.
“So what’s this observation you’re talking about?” you might ask.
SHUT UP. Don’t interrupt, I was getting there.
Today’s observation is the following: Ranting is dead.
Do you know what that means boys and girls? Dead like the rabbit mommy said ran away. Now fuck off, it’s time for adults to speak. Not that children care about ranting. Not that anybody cares about ranting. This is aimed entirely at the readers of Rantlister, the only people in the world, besides raging prepubescent Maddox fans, who still care about rant writing.
Let’s face it, ranting was done when Maddox got a book deal and he stopped updating. Maddox was the entire genre.
“But what about Thilo?”
I thought I told you to shut the fuck up? Thilo’s updated have gone downhill too. I haven’t read a funny Thilo update since two updates ago, roughly half a year. Angry Jerk has degenerated into conspiracy theories, racism and needless threats. DrakeGTA and his multiple personalities have become unfunny hacks. Bob Smash doesn’t update anymore except concerning his personal life. Bagoda updates twice a year. When Haddox gets around to it, even he can’t put anything good out lately. And now Mike is gone too. Even the worst ranters, Phatweb, Pageskymeister, The Epic, Maddy and my old persona, The Superpope, are gone. Ranting is a dead genre, and it has been since it’s inception.
Sure, Maddox at first was funny with his “I hate everything because I’m awesome” attitude. But now even his fans have decided that he’s a sellout and that he just plain isn’t funny anymore. Anybody after him was either cheap Maddox imitator minus the actual humour, or, in the case of a funny Maddox imitator, ignored because of their shared layout. In the case of the few who didn’t use a Maddox styled site, either their attitude was too Maddoxian or they just never got recognized because NOBODY CARES.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy reading rants, I enjoy writing rants. But the genre as a whole is going nowhere. The genre will never be big. Ever. It’s up there with the other facts of life like “Breathing is necessary”, “Fire is hot” and “Michael Jackson was a sick fuck”.
“Way too soon for a Michael Jackson joke” you might say.
GET THE FUCK OUT.
Anyway, my point is that ranting will never be popular. Anybody who tells you otherwise is lying. Then again, if you still believe that your ass DOESN’T look fat in those pants, go ahead and believe whatever you want. Anybody else, ranting is dead.
Reader Comments
You’re right, not funny, I give up, guess I’ll go back to watching internet porn.
Ranting works in the right context – but you have to remember that you’re writing to ENTERTAIN AN AUDIENCE – which many people lose sight of.
Ranting works in the right context – look at guys like George Carlin, Lewis Black & Bill Maher – all people who took random observations about shit that sucks in the world, put a funny spin on it that people would identify with and sold it.
However, if you’re simply writing to see what a 400 word blog post with 89 interjections of the word ‘Fuck’ will look like, you probably won’t find much of an audience for that.
You just don’t know where to look.
hatebook.com
workrant.com
jobvent.com
worksucks.com
fmylife.com
ihatemyinlaws.com
justrage.com
angry.net
This is geared towards ranting as a genre of writing, not sites based on visitor-generated content.