How is this Even Possible?
I know I said that I was done with my sophomoric musings on this site, but something so utterly ridiculous – so exponentially unlikely to have occurred that I have seriously begun to question my atheistic convictions to wonder if indeed that there is God out there somewhere, and that his contempt for me is so great that he has set his full and undivided attention and efforts toward fucking with me relentlessly. It for this reason that I have come out of retirement, for one night only, to share this most unfortunate turn of events.
While Angie and I have been together for over five years, and we’ve been ‘engaged’ for most of this length of time, we didn’t get around to getting her engagement ring and wedding band until the middle of last year. The total package, after the jewelry store’s superficial discounts and the additional price deduction as a result of Angie’s particular place of employment resulted in a total discount of almost 50% off of the retail price, leaving us with a bottom line including sales tax of about $2500 or so for both rings.
We selected the rings in late February of last year, made a significant down payment at the time and chopped away at the balance over the following four months until it was paid off. We made the last payment and Angie got her rings in the middle of July of last year.
The rings, as far as rings go, are pretty nice. The engagement ring is white gold and it has over a carat of diamonds by itself and features a three stone setting and 15 diamonds in total. Angie fell in love with it and has been 100% satisfied with it ever since we picked it up. That is, until this weekend.
Even though we had Lizzy this weekend, I had agreed prior to let my ex-wife get her for a couple hours on Saturday morning to take her to the new How to Train Your Dragon Movie. Since Angie had plans to go out with her girlfriends a little later the same morning, she agreed to take Lizzy to meet my ex-wife on her way and save me the trip.
(A little back story: My ex and I have been divorced for six years. In 2008, she met some 20-year-old dude online from two states away, moved him into her apartment shortly after their first in-person encounter (which was over Thanksgiving weekend of 2008) and got married late last summer. She gave birth to their daughter about six weeks ago. )
My ex and Angie don’t necessarily like each other (honestly, this is like Israel and The Palestinians for Christ’s sake), but they’re civil in their occasional in-person dealings largely in part because they both want the best for Lizzy.
Upon their initial contact, Angie noticed that my ex-wife had a different ring on her left hand than she had been wearing since she got remarried.
Angie: Oh I see you got a new ring!!
Ex: Yeah… we put it on layaway a year and a half ago and I finally paid it off with some of my tax return money.
She held her hand up so that Angie could take a closer look.
(Side Note: Around 10:05 AM yesterday, did you notice a scientifically unexplained minor tremor rocking the midwestern region of the United States? That turned out to be the result of Angie’s jaw hitting the ground at warp speed.)
Yeah you guessed it: MY EX-WIFE AND MY FUTURE WIFE HAVE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING RING!!
Once again, in the words of Hunter S. Thompson, Ye Fucking Gods.
How does this happen? What are the odds of this even occurring? It is common knowledge that jewelry stores have limited inventory and turn over their stock in relatively short order so that every ring they sell is ‘unique’ and highly unlikely to be duplicated in public. The chances that two women who happen to get the same ring will even know each other have to be extremely long.
Now, as anyone who’s been divorced wells knows, it’s pretty much a given that there’s an element of rivalry between the ex and the current/future spouse. I think in many ways this is human nature. now Angie is not the petty type; she truly appreciates everything she has. And, it’s not a superiority complex or anything of the like – I really don’t know how to explain it other than by saying that if your ex and your current partner are going to have regular interactions, than you better make sure your new bride has a helluva lot nicer ring than than the one you gave you ex. While this situation isn’t exactly the same thing, since my ex’s new ring did not come from me – the principle still applies.
Although I am sure it is uncommon, a woman has probably received a ring and felt ecstatic about it only to discover that her despised nemesis from the other side of the office has the same exact ring. But that is inner office cattyness; we’re talking about the only woman I’ve exchanged vows with and the one I am about to.
Fuck me.
I don’t know where this is going, but I think one thing is pretty much certain: I am about to be another $2k or so poorer as a result of this new development.
Reader Comments
Wow, and they say God has no sense of humor. I bet he was thinking that up, and laughing his ass off.