Breaking News: Obama Kills a Fly
Yes, that is the actual headline I saw on the Yahoo! front page the other day.
I like the President, as most people seem to. I may not like everything he does, but from a personal standpoint, he seems like he’d be a pretty cool person to hang out with, or [...]
I will be the first to admit that I am into some pretty nerdy shit. I still like video games and I like to read about astronomy and the stars and the planets and supernovas and the like. So, I understand the thrill from new discoveries in different scientific fields.
But, there are some things that I just don’t get. The other day, I opened up Yahoo!’s home page and right there smacking me in the face was the grossly unfascinating tidbit of news that a new Mersenne Prime number had been discovered, the 47th one. This astronomically large number is some 12 million digits long. To put that in perspective, if you were to write the number out on paper, you would need 4300 pages to write it all out. That’s like four encyclopedia (remember those) volumes – all just to write out this single number.
Enough already.
First, I’d like to congratulate all of these writers who hide behind their blogs and their message boards who have nothing better to do than self-righteously point out the faults of the celebrities they’ve helped to build up. I applaud your shrewdness and your extensive observational skills that allow you to provide expert commentary and criticism on such important issues as Lindsay Lohan’s craziness, or Kelly Clarkson weight issues, or Paris Hilton doing everything that she does on a daily basis – ok maybe the last one is alright since we sort of need that. But other than covering the everyday moves of the soulless and talentless androids that inhabit Hollywood and reporting on them relentlessly, what is so alluring about the lives of people whose occupations makes them famous? Why is this even an industry?
As we were walking back toward the dorm past the belltower, we were feeling much better after a breath of fresh air. I noticed a stiff crow lying on the ground. I kicked it at MKW, who squirmed like a little girl. I laughed and we went inside to watch The Simpsons.
A half hour later I was thinking about the dead crow and all the things we could do with it.
I was amazed at MKW’s drunken ingenuity, but after thinking about it, I decided no matter how good of friends Barry and I were, he’d surely murder our asses if we did that to him. Barry doesn’t like to be the butt of jokes.
I am up there with your average accountant when it comes to the ability to solve problems mechanically. I’ve always had the resource of skilled technicians who were usually willing to work for beer, so it’s been rare for me to ever have to get my hands dirty myself and I tend to avoid doing so at all costs.
The motor fired up as expected. Satisfied, I began to mow. Then five seconds later, it goes cough, cough, bog down like it’s in really heavy wet grass, cough some more, stall.
‘A few bolts here, a few more there… this doesn’t look too difficult’, I thought to myself. I momentarily thought about taking it the lawn mower repair shop that is located about 1/2 mile from the house. No, I can handle this.
Hi. I am a guy in my 20’s looking for a girl who is certifiably bat-shit crazy. I know you’re out there!!!
I am just sick and tired of meeting all of these normal, regular girls with their own jobs and places to live and their own money and their own cars. There are just simply way too many levelheaded, smart, articulate women out there today and I am bored with their stability. I want a stalker dammit!!!
A hilarious satirical spoof on misogyny.
Sometimes, in routine situations, you need to make your own fun. These are things that you too can try at home.
It’s not often that I am seriously at a loss for words. It’s not that I think this is totally awesome, or that I think it is entirely gay. I don’t have much of an opinion except for wow. Just wow.
I don’t know if you’ve seen this or not – I just ran across it on some foreign language site. I figured that since my ticket to hell has long since been punched, I’ll throw it up here and let you heathens have a look at it. Sin vicariously through me.
